Key Lime Pie

 My husband is sick and in bed, and I feel guilty that I haven't blogged in awhile, so I have sneaked some 'me' time, and here are my thoughts on Key Lime Pie by Camper Van Beethoven.

Ben calls this his 'fall' album. When I think of what Ben may think of as fall, I see leaves turning, and cracking under foot when they land on a hiking trail. Or maybe tumbling down the pavement in the cold Seattle wind.
 I think of the melancholy light, the light Ben often speaks of;
 the quality of it, a darker shade of yellow, filtering through the blinds of our basement apartment.

But this album is angry.

It doesn't have so much of the romanticism that the previous three albums held for me.

I was lost, the words wouldn't come.

I ignored the CD case staring up at me from beside the computer, and reminisced about better writing days.

Yes, Key Lime Pie is a challenge.
And now I'm swallowing my fear and giving this what I can, even though the music makes me feel uncomfortable.

Not all the songs are furious. They are not all filled with barely constrained, spittingly critical rage.

Some of them are bitter from loss, some are longing for something unattainable.

It's not even the lyrics that are angry. Satirical maybe. Scathing. But not angry as such.
 No, it's David Lowery's voice.

It sneers, it croons, it glares at you.

His voice is the ebb of conscience in the back of your head, always just heard through the static.

It says 'wake up, idiot,' and 'look what you're doing to us, to the world, to yourself.'

My perceptions of what Ben thinks of fall are in question.

The leaves in the cool Seattle wind, are they red, the color of spilt American/Iraqi/Libyan/Cow/Lamb/Chicken blood?

Are the leaves taking a stand for change,
 making mass suicide each and every fall, each and every year?

Is the light through the windows tainted by our poisoning of ourselves?

The sanctioned killing of one another?

Is it tainted by our percieved differences?

Perceptions. I don't know.

This shows me once again, through my own dull mullings of the music,

that I will never truly know another person as I know myself.

When I turn to question my husband, the only answers I recieve are reflections of my own self.

Even though we walk together, sleep together, share together,

he will only know himself completely. I will only know myself completely.

The hopeless, angry, bitter realization that even in its own clarity, longs for something unattainable.

We are completely sealed in our own bodies.

We will never know another.

Ben plays All Her Favorite Fruit on his guitar often.

I have observed this, been privy to it many times.

He sings it sans anger, it is only sadness, it is only beauty.
I feel so sweetly selfish to think of this; my private gem in my magpies nest of memories.

This is fall.
Falling in love.
Falling into the abyss.
Falling and scraping your knee on the pavement after slipping on one of those bloody leaves.
Dying, living, waking up.
Change, again, from day to day. Pick up where you left off.
End. Begin. Again.

The incarnation of Camper Van Beethoven at the time of Key Lime Pie was David Lowery, Chris Pederson, Victor Krummenacher and Don Lax.
They made this satirical, angry, unusual album in 1989, and it was the last to be made until 2002.

As I come to the end of this challenge, I would like to share that this collection of songs is incredible.
It will make you feel things that have been buried in your muscles, and hidden in the tissues surrounding your heart.
You will find yourself in these songs, and watch yourself disappear again, as you slowly return to reality,
a secret smile on your lips, a heavy weight in your chest.
A memory forgotten, now recalled.

Listen and love and learn.
Enjoy this soundtrack of the fall.